College Realizations

Wow! Long time no see, eh? Well I guess I will just get started by saying that my Senior year has been…interesting. I’ve come to understand a whole lot of things in a much deeper way than ever before, and could not be more thankful for the truth that God has laid on my heart. I guess one of the biggest things I have learned about college is that it serves better as a means for learning about yourself, your relationships, and your passions than it does for discovering your “calling” to a specific career. Without those three attributes in-line it’s kind of like flying through the Bermuda Triangle; hopelessly difficult.

I’ve come to these realizations “the hard way” as some may say. One day in class, I found myself becoming super frustrated with where my life was at. I was actually sitting there, very cynically saying to myself, “Goodness this is a waste of my time, I could be doing this, this and this with my time. I can’t believe I’m sitting here when I could be making money (with one of my four jobs) or getting something worthwhile done.” And then I became even more frustrated when I realized just how twisted that thought was, and how much I terribly longed not to be such a doer of a list of things. Basically God gave me a heart check right then and there and made me take a hard look at all the clutter in my life.

For me, really wrestling with who I am and what I am passionate about has been the most difficult, yet most rewarding learning process of my college tenure. Without understanding either, your life and its purposes are entirely devoid of direction. In hindsight, I can say that this is the largest contributing factor in allowing myself to get so involved in things that I only found myself loathing months later.

So who am I? Well that question requires a complex answer, but for starters I would say I am an overcomer; a conqueror. One day as I was praying about this God just put a super strong image on my heart – that of the white and red-polka dotted rider in the tour de France. Who is he? He is the “King of the Mountains,” the best climber of the bunch. He is the rider that looks at the hill, thinks “hmmm that looks challenging” and then accelerates full steam ahead to tackle the challenge like a madman, laughing as he goes.

I hadn’t thought about it much prior to that day, but man does that image ever speak to my heart. It really does encompass so much of me, Shawn Michael Gerber. I live for the challenge. I want people to tell me it’s impossible. That’s why I am so entrepreneurially focused and always have been. I live for the challenge. I fully embrace it.

On the flipside of such a personality, however, is the battle that comes with it. A key question in the hearts of most, if not all men, is “do I have what it takes? Am I good enough?” Now let me just tell you that that right there is the primary battleground for many men, especially ones like me. Without knowing who you are, and how that plays into your passions, you will be easily struck down because Satan will continually barrage you in your weak spot. Even more important, however, are your supporting relationships with warrior brothers. We were not created to live alone, let alone battle alone. Don’t be mistaken, it is a war, one of attrition through doubts, discouragement, temptation, lust and so much more.

Allow me to digress for a moment. The other day I was confronted with a very interesting question. Why is worship so much different between people in third world countries and Americans? After thinking about it for some time I came up with a potential answer. The veil has been pulled over our eyes here in America. We are so comfortable. We have shelter, food, clean water, relationships, and so much more whereas our third world counterparts are just struggling to survive. They are fighting with witchdoctors, and many things unseen. The battle in both the physical and spiritual realms is just so real to them. They see the war waged upon them each and every day and are so deeply thankful for God’s provision. They understand true joy and the battle that it requires. I don’t think most of us see it here in America. The battle is subtle, dangerously so. Too often do we brush things off as random thoughts, or unfortunate coincidences. It’s a stinking war and you need all of your heart, soul, and mind to be in check. You have to be awake and aware. The veil needs to be ripped down, with the support of you warrior brothers and sisters. There is a battle for our joy that rages each and every day, and we must stick together and fight for it.

In discovering who I am, I also found my deep love for my savior. It is my driving passion. I almost hate saying this to people because it sounds so radical in my head at times, but if I am going to do something with my life, I just know I will not be satisfied unless I am valiantly serving my Lord. In Matthew Jesus speaks of all the things that the disciples did unto others as if they were done unto Him. I have always been struck so hard by this verse. When confronted with the question of how to return your love to God, my simplest solution boils down to that verse. My passion is to love people; to serve them as if I am serving Christ in person. It is no more complicated than that.

So rather than going any deeper on this, since I have already written a ton, I will just conclude with this. I am an overcomer, a vencedor as we say in Spanish. I am passionate about loving my savior with everything in me. I value my relationships much more than my formal education, and realize that without these three truths in my life I am directionless, without a purpose or a motivation. I am incredibly thankful for the Spirit of Truth that has lead me this far, and can only hope to fully step into my passions in the near future even though at the moment I don’t know what that will look like.

So who are you? What are your deepest passions? What does your heart say? Ask God for help. He will always follow through. Listen intently and be ready for the truth to dramatically change your life. Find a close friend and walk through it with them. It will be great.